Here’s a story to add to my list of things I hope I never have to do again (but am glad I did).

My friend, the other EuroScholar here at the University of Geneva, is working at a neuroscience lab. They are currently conducting research that uses fMRIs to study the mechanisms behind recognition of faces and emotions. And they needed participants. So, as a fellow researcher I offered up my brain for inspection.

Essentially, an fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) produces a picture of your brain by measuring the change of oxygen in your blood flow with a giant magnetic scanner. How is this picture taken? Well let me tell you …

After removing anything and everything that might be the slightest bit metallic on and in my body, I entered the room where THE scanner was located. My eyes immediately focused on the cylindrical slot that seemed to be an auspiciously perfect size for a human body. Yes, I was going to somehow be inserted into this slot. Like a plug into an outlet.

I laid down on a gurney type bed and put earplugs in and headphones on; conveniently heavy enough that it was more than difficult to lift up my head. Electrodes were put on two of my fingers so they could measure how much I was sweating and see how unnecessarily nervous I was. Two-thirds of my body was then graciously draped with a soft blanket and I found myself getting pretty comfortable. Until they put a plastic cage over my head.

I was given a panic button in case I, for any reason, wanted to esca-I mean stop participating in the study. The researchers had me test the button and not only did it work but the sound that triggered was what I imagined to be equivalent to the alarm system of the National Treasury. Which was comforting. I also had a keypad that I would use for the actual study.

I was then raised up and inserted into the ominous hole. The cage around my head ironically prevented me from realizing how claustrophobic the situation was. There was a mirror on my muzzl- I mean helmet that allowed me to view the screen that I would be looking at. Maybe I was reading too many articles on Space-X (happy lift-off!) but I likened myself to an astronaut being sent into space. And then the researchers left the room and shut the lights off and there were no stars.

As I lay inside this contraption, relatively immobile, save for enough space to itch my nose, I questioned how it was that I ended up in this situation. All in the name of science, I suppose.

After doing some preliminary tests it was time to turn on the beast. The machine whistled a merry tune and then started singing a song I have never heard before. A mix of sounds ensued that put dub step breakdowns to shame. Sounds that could only have been produced in one other place- Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. I kid you not. I questioned whether my brain was being scanned or if I had finally found the secret to everlasting gobstoppers- the human brains’ magnetic energy. I could only lay on my gurney and look up at the mirror on my helmet projecting soothing images of snow-capped mountains and lush rainforests.

Anyways, enough about my overreactions and hyperbolic thoughts ... I was shown images and had to determine whether the faces were male, female or “ce n’est pas un visage" by pressing the buttons on my keypad. Sounds relatively easy but was actually quite challenging…and not because I’m a Gender Studies major. We did five runs of this for about five minutes each and then one last test that showed sporadically repeating images that I had to identify. I found myself getting competitive- wanting to prove how good my brain was.

And then I found out those tests have nothing to do with the actual experiment and are just to make sure I focus on the pictures. Ha.

But in all seriousness I was only in the scanner for about 30 minutes. The researchers were more than caring, amazing and professional. And I, a bit overdramatic and sometimes too sarcastic.

And then I was paid 50 francs. Yes, all in the name of science.